I continued to silently deal with my episodes of emotional and spiritual unrest. While others remained unaware of my inner battles, I shrugged most of it off as just being normal for someone preparing to leave the country. There were many things to be done; continued fund-raising, planning school for Mike, selling our home and most of our furnishings, and preparing to say good-bye to much loved friends and family. We had decided to sell our home; it would be too difficult to try and maintain from 4000 miles away. We were going to take the minimal amount of goods with us on the plane, and then put the rest of our needed items on a container ship. Needless to say, things had gotten busy.
Shortly before our summer in Slovenia, I began to have vivid dreams. I
had had weird dreams before, but these were different. They were pointed,
and direct, and I could actually attach meaning to them. Some may think it's
silly, but I believe God can speak to us through our dreams. He spoke to
numerous people in the Bible through dreams; why wouldn't He still use them to
speak to us today?
The following is one dream I had in the spring of 2001. I share it
because I think there is a message in it for others; not just me. I leave
it to you to decide.
"Rob and I were leading a modest-sized home group (church). We had
taken a stand against the enemy (Satan). I don't know what the stand
was. While the rest of the group remained in the living room, someone
(possibly another leader), Rob, and I went to a small side room which happened
to have a door to the outside, or into a garage. The person who was with
us told us that we had become a target of the enemy because of the stand we had
taken. We were duly concerned. A few seconds later, there was a
large crash as someone tried to ram the door open to the room we were in.
The blow was strong enough that it dislodged the door frame about 6 inches into
the room at the upper left corner, and set the door ajar. Without much
effort, whoever it was could have gained entry quite easily after that,
however, there were no more attacks on the door, and whoever it was had gone.
We felt it was more of a threat than an actual desire to gain entrance.
We were shaken by it.
We immediately returned to the group in the living room. I don't know
if they heard the crash from the other room or not, but we told them we had
been targeted by the enemy, and if any of them wanted to leave, they
could. A few got up and left immediately, looking very frightened.
Several others sat discussing amongst themselves what they would do, and the rest
remained calm and seemingly unaffected by the knowledge of being a
[I believe the above part of the dream could be interpreted separately from
the rest. What do you think about the
three separate responses from the people in the living room?]
At this point in my dream, I was now standing in the kitchen. In the
room with me were a man, a woman, and two young children, about 4-6 years
old. The kids were sitting on the counter in front of a large open
window. I did not know these people, and even though they seemed
pleasant, and the children were quietly engaged in playing, I knew they
were the enemy. I was standing slightly in front of the children, and I
remember looking out the window behind them. It was sunny and warm, with
rolling hills and not a person in sight. I could see for miles. I was
feeling a mixture of anger at the enemy for just barging into this house, and
yet was a bit uneasy, if not fearful, at what they may plan to do, and how
easily they had found entrance into this home.
One of the children had been working on making something, then suddenly
turned and handed it to me. Still angry at their presence, and knowing
they were my enemies, as soon as the young child handed me the gift, I took it
and threw it hard out the window. He looked at me with hurt in his eyes,
seemingly not understanding why I would throw away his gift to me. The
woman became indignant and began yelling things like, "Your kind
are always doing mean things! He just wanted you to have a
gift!" Both she and I knew we were each others enemies, yet she
expected me to treat the child kindly. I knew that even the child
was my enemy, and yet because he was a child, I had lowered my
Suddenly, my motherly compassion rose up, and I was sorry for having hurt
the boy, so I apologized to him. I also desired to be a peacemaker and
diffuse the anger in this woman, so I said to her, "You're right; I
shouldn't have thrown it out." I turned to the boy and told him I
would go get it. Both the boy and the woman greatly softened in response to my
comments, and for a moment, she seemed almost kind; a slight smile crossing her
I opened the door from the kitchen to the outdoors and stepped out.
When I turned toward the direction I had thrown the present, the grassy
hillside that just moments earlier had been void of any person, now held a
large number of the enemy standing in formation; row after row, and I knew I
had made a mistake.
The next picture I saw in my dream was that of the house I had been in, now
totally taken over by the enemy. I was standing near the same kitchen
door I had opened and walked out of; now I was looking in and seeing
wall-to-wall enemy, reveling and partying. I had been outsmarted and
My interpretation of the dream at the time was this:
"I felt this showed how deceptive and tricky the enemy can be in
gaining territory. Although I knew they were my enemy, my heart
had been softened by the hurt look of a child, and my resolve dropped by the
peacemaking desire I had within. As a result, I opened the door
that let a flood of the enemy come in and take over territory that had been
mine (God's). I knew it had been my mistake.
I felt as though God was saying to me, "Be ruthless with the
enemy; show no mercy, no matter how innocent or persuasive the situation
may appear. Do not drop your defenses or lower them for even a
moment, because in so doing, the enemy can come in like a flood and take
territory. Be wise, and do not show mercy to your enemy. You
cannot make peace with your enemy."
Maybe you can apply something I learned through this dream to your own life.
I know when dreams come so clearly and specifically, God is saying
something. We just need to ask Him what it is, and listen for His
This would just be the start of many dreams I would have over the next few
years. Dreams that pointed to my dilemma; dreams that pointed to my
healing. God was trying to get my attention.